REFUSING TO SAIL (ANCHORED DOWN)
"Where are you gripping tighter instead of letting go?"
You felt it. That disturbance. That restlessness. That sense that something needs to change. But instead of exploring those deeper waters, you're anchoring harder to familiar moorings.
"I'm fine where I am." It's what we tell ourselves when we're not. When that whisper of "something's wrong" gets louder, we just turn up the volume on our usual life. Work harder. Schedule more. Scroll longer. Drink more frequently. Whatever it takes to drown out the Call.
This is the stage of trying harder at what's not working. Your relationship feels empty? Plan more date nights. Your job feels meaningless? Chase the next promotion. Your life feels shallow? Buy something new. Redecorate. Start another project. Anything but admit those distant waves are calling you somewhere you don't want to go.
We become master blame-shifters here. It's the economy. It's your spouse. It's your boss. It's the weather. It's everyone and everything except the truth: life is asking more of you than you want to give.
You find yourself checking other boats obsessively. Are they struggling too? Does everyone feel this way? You need to know you're normal. That this restlessness will pass. That you can wait it out without having to change anything substantial.
This is wrestling - with God, with truth, with whatever you call the Divine Companion that's disturbing your peace. You're grappling with something in the dark. Part of you knows this won't let go. Part of you is terrified of what happens if you stop fighting.
The water metaphors pile up: You're battening down hatches that don't need battening. Dropping anchors in ports you've outgrown. Checking weather reports hoping for calm seas that aren't coming.
"This will pass," you tell yourself. Like every other rough patch. Like every other restless season. Except this time feels different. This time the Call isn't fading. If anything, it's getting louder.
Signs you're in Stage 2:
- Exhausted from maintaining status quo
- Irritated by people who rock boats
- Defensive about your choices
- Working harder for diminishing returns
- Feeling both bored AND anxious
- Knowing something needs to change but refusing to name it
The question that haunts this stage: "What are you refusing to see?"
Because deep down, beneath all that furious activity to stay the same, you already know. You know what needs to change. You know which moorings need releasing. You know what deeper waters are calling.You're just not ready to admit it yet. And that's okay. Refusal is part of every journey. Nobody says yes to transformation on the first ask. We all try to negotiate with our storms before we accept them.
But here's what's true: The Call you're refusing doesn't go away. It remains persistent and only gets louder.
The disturbance you felt in Stage 1? It's becoming a drumbeat. The shallow waters you're clinging to? They're getting shallower by the day.
Something in you is already preparing for what comes next. Even as you resist, even as you grip tighter, some part of you is loosening the ropes.
Because you can't anchor harder forever. Eventually, the tide of your own life will lift you whether you're ready or not.
The only real question is: How long will you fight what's trying to emerge?